Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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