Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
