I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
