Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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