no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
