This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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