Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
