Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They have beer where we have blood.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize