After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
