worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
