Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
