i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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