Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize