just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.