kristin has been a bad kristin
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.