mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear