I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.