where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
