Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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