True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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