he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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