can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize