I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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