i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
