This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
