When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
