I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
