Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you