My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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