a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize