it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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