I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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