I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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