Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
