I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You smell like stripper and shame
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
