You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize