"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize