we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.