So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them