dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.