Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.