omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.