Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.