a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
