i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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