You're a womanizer and a bitch.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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