Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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