you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
