Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
