Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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