the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
