You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
