I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
