If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
