Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
