i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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