I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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