We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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