sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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